High ho, high ho, it's off to run I go!!

For the past couple months... okay several.... okay almost a year, I've been running/walking/jogging a little bit more than five miles a night around my neighborhood. I began this routine when after I went through my closet last year and nothing fit. Zip, zero, zilch... okay, maybe a few things fit. I had to buy some new clothes and when I went shopping I became super upset with myself. I know people say that size doesn't matter, but yeah, it does. I don't like feeling fat, I don't like not having cute clothes that fit, and I don't like having to buy things in bigger sizes than what I've been previously wearing. It doesn't make me feel good about myself...

Anyway, back to the running. So I've been running a lot in the past year... ish, and have definitely seen some positive affects... effects? My jeans started becoming way looser and my shirts started to look way too big. I thought that I was doing really well. I began to like the way that I look.

Until recently.... About a month and a half ago my mom saw a story on the news about a seventeen year old girl who was raped, killed, and thrown out by a lake, supposedly, during her nightly run around her neighborhood... in California. My mom freaked out. She told me that I can't run at night by myself anymore and that if I want to work out at night then Billy or my dad have to come/follow me.

I can count the times I've worked out since then on one hand. My nightly routine has become a sporadic/ once in awhile activity. And again, I've started to notice some changes. My clothes are starting to fit more snug again.

I'm pissed.

I know it's not completely Billy's or my dad's fault that they don't really want to work out with me. I know that I've been really busy lately and haven't had the spare time to go run, but still. Why do I have to wait for them? Why can't I just go by myself? I understand that some random girl died. I get that. But, if I'm being honest... I'd rather be dead on the side of some lake then a fat girl sitting on the couch not doing anything about it. Honestly. Becoming overweight/obese is one of my biggest fears.

So this morning I did something about it. I went running by myself in broad daylight. And let me tell you... It. Sucked. Butt. I hated it. There were way more people out that could see me jamming out to my iPod while I ran and see me, occasionally, stumble over my feet. Plus I was exhausted from waking up early. I also saw three, count them, three homeless scary dudes walking on the same path that I took. That has never happened at night. I only did about two miles, that's being generous, of my normal five.

I felt more insecure and watched while running this morning than I ever have at night. And another thing... I LIKE running alone. I don't want to be with other people who are watching every step I take. Running helps me relax, it helps me think, and it gives me time to myself when I'm surrounded by people all day long.

I just want to run at night, by myself (okay, Randi can come if she wants). I don't think that it's too much to ask for. Scary rapist/murderers be damned.